Monday, October 29, 2007

Don't Live Like The Broons

Following my rant last week about chocolate bars comes the news that Maw Broon's cookbook might not be the most nutritionally balanced.

On top of that the Broon's carbon footprint must be massive with all those weans, the chance of passive smoking from Paw and Grandpaw's pipes in that wee tenement must be shocking, the amount of animals killed testing the lipstick that Maggie wears will be enormous and it's really not responsible for one couple to have so many children. On the positive side, the bairn has been wearing the same dress for 80 yeard and it won't have come from Gap so child labour isn't an issue.

Aye, the Broons. May every family in Scotland live just like them.

What Politicians Can Learn From Kate Garraway



Image from Strictly Come Dancing website




I am a huge fan of Strictly Come Dancing. The costumes and camp make me very happy - and the judges... Well, I just adore my ickle Bruno and Craig is very tough and manly in a camp sort of way. I gives me fuzzy feelings to watch it, and I'm loving the fact it is now on twice at weekends. It's just a nice way to spend the weekend.

Imagine though the horror at last night's results show. Penny and Gabby in the bottom two. Penny and Gabby? Possibly two of the best dancers in the show. Not the rubbish dancers like Kate Garraway or Kenny Logan or even John Barnes. Frantic text messages went flying about saying little more than "No" "God" and "Are you watching this?" Then after poor Gabby flipped her last flip the vitriol started - Kate Garraway was evil personified. How dare she still be in the show? All thanks to muppet GMTV viewers who blindly voted for her despite the fact that she dances like a rhino on heat. But without the grace and elegance.

Then I started thinking about it and actually Kate is playing a blinder and the exact campaign that politicians should.

Have a simple message - Kate's message for her GMTV viewers is really simple - "I really want to stay in and achieve my potential. There's so much more I can do."

Repeat your message ad nauseum - I watch at most 15 minutes of GMTV in the morning while flicking between SKY, BBC and Everybody Loves Raymond and I've heard Strictly Come Dancing mentioned every day

Third Party Endorsements - not only does she get the message across on a regular basis, but her co-presenters do too. Ben Shepherd is a little star at this.

Know your audience - I could be wrong but Kate hasn't trawled round other shows to sell her message. She has her audience and she is targeting them ruthlessly.

Ability isn't everything - We've all watched election results and thought "But they're useless, how did they win?" Voters don't always care about ability, especially if you minimise how important it is in comparison with trying hard and being likable.

Be nice - There's no point being the best at something if you come across as arrogant, and that was Gabby's downfall. In the end Kate is just more likable.

Be aspirational - Kate focuses on how much can still be achieved. So much better than - oh I did this wrong.

So it might not be fair that Kate is still in and Gabby isn't but that's what happens when democracy is allowed to run riot. An inferior candidate with a good campaign will beat a good candidate with a rubbish campaign. Look and learn politicians - just don't wear the sequinned tops...

Friday, October 26, 2007

Thank God for Aviemore

It's perhaps not been the best few days for Alex Salmond. I would say for the first time since May, even counting the defeats in Parliament, he's had a bad week. And unfortunately for him it's been on good policy issues.

First the nuclear story. It was a sound move to write to countries signed up to the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty to highlight Scotland's opposition to nuclear weapons and to ask for support in Scotland receiving observer status. It continued well the policy of pushing forward Scotland's position as a nation seperate to England. But for God's sake, check who you're writing to when you send letters. Don't just accept that whatever Excel spits out at you is a good thing. Remove the nasty people like Iran, Burma and Zimbabwe from your database. I can just see it now "Dear Mahmoud, Please, please support us and we'll ignore your views on the Holocaust and women and stuff, yours aye, Eck."

There's some people you just don't do business with. First because you don't want to make a stand at any costs, second - well it's just embarrassing to allow Nicol Stephen to score points off your actions and third - the good policy has been lost.

And the 1000 extra/additional/equivalent police officers. The dangers of making promises in opposition that you can't keep in government bit him in the bum this week. It must have been a right red-neck for both Wendy Alexander and Nicol Stephen to make direct hits in the one week.

Still, it's conference this weekend. And he'll perform brilliantly, the SNP members will love it and there will be a bounce. Which will hopefully allow the focus to start to go back onto the good policies.

But the opposition parties will start to have a glimmer of hope - he can be damaged. He isn't invincible after all. There may even be a light...

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Fat? Stop Eating So Much Then

***rant alert***rant alert***rant alert***rant alert***rant alert***rant alert***

It seems to be a week for the Nanny State annoying me. First it was drinking, now there is the report that says that Obesity isn't the fault of the individual and that the Government has to do "something".

Bollocks. Bollocks. Bollocks.

I'm overweight, I'm technically obese. Despite most things in this country being the fault of the Labour Government this isn't one of them. I know why I'm overweight - it's because I eat too much rubbish and don't exercise enough. I made a decision earlier this year to lose weight. I lost over 2 stone through sensible eating and exercise. I stopped the sensible eating and exercise and have put on a little bit of weight again.

I'm overweight because Krispy Kremes are tastier than vegetables as a snack. I don't hate myself, I don't have a childhood trauma that I'm hiding away from, I don't use food as a substitute for love. I like the taste of chocolate - it's a pleasant thing in life.

Stop bloody telling me that the decisions I make in life should be taken out of my hands and put into the hands of the goverment. I don't want some supercilious leftie telling me what I can do with my life.

I'm going to have a newly re-released Wispa for lunch just to rebel.

Leave Me and My Bottle of Wine Alone


So its not only the neds who down 20 Snakebites a night who are being targeted for government anti-drinking initiatives but the "middle class" drinkers whose bottle of Chardonnay a night habit who are being nannyed now.

First things first before I get accused of not caring about people with drink problems. Alcoholism is a disease and people who suffer need help not abuse, laughed at or most importantly - lectured about their habits. And it can hit all sections of society. When I was a student I worked in the cigarette/spirits kiosk of Safeway in a very working class area. The woman who came in from the suburbs every day for her litre bottle of Smirnoff was just as much an alcoholic as the old men who came in for their magnum of British sherry. She was just cleaner, better dressed and didn't drink sitting outside the shop. Apart from that there was little to distinguish them. And I felt sorry for them all, but kept selling them their booze because it really wasn't my business to interfere in their lives.

I think it is fine that there are suggested safe limits and that these are publicised. I think it's fine that alcohol bottle labels show how many units each bottle/glass contains. I think it is absolutely right and responsible that shop assistants/bar staff refuse to sell alcohol to people who are clearly hammered - and a little more of this would go a long way. But I am sick and tired of being told what I can and can't drink and how much I'm allowed to drink in a day.

I don't want the government to tell me how much I can drink and if I drink more than that it makes me at high risk or a dangerous drinker and I most certainly don't want the drinks companies to tell me (when advertising their overpriced products) to "drink responsibly". Please - if everyone drank responsibly the profits would plummet - don't be politically correct hypocrites and tell me that you don't want me to buy as much of your product as possible.

The government really has to learn to let us make our own choices and if those are the wrong choices then we have to pay the consequences but don't try to insist that government targets are the best way of running the lifes of individuals. They never are.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Monday, October 15, 2007

Protection of minorities or destruction of freedoms?

I've been meaning to blog for a few days about the proposed bill banning incitement of homophobic hatred in England and Patrick Harvie MSP's campaign to extend race hate laws to encompass discrimination against LGBT and Disabled people.

I'm torn on this. I truly believe that there is no place in any civilised society for the kind of abuse these laws are designed to stop. But will it just be abuse that is stopped or will it be used to stop genuine debate or expression of religious and moral beliefs? I have my suspicions that the laws will be interpreted in the narrowest possible manner which will crack down on genuine debate and not do anything to stop the spread of homophobia, racism etc.

There is a real conversation needed on whether or not gay couples should be allowed to adopt. My opinion is absolutely yes, but I respect the right of someone who says the opposite to say that in a measured way. Just because someone's religious or moral beliefs are totally opposite to my own or I find their views unpalatable doesn't mean they shouldn't be allowed to express those views. When we stop one side of an argument from speaking out we only encourage the extremists. The stifling of the debate on immigration is a perfect example. By accusing anyone who mentioned immigration in a negative manner of racism only the BNP was left speaking from one point of view. We've seen a Church of England vicar visited by the Police for expressing an opinion about Muslim women wearing the veil - I'm sure that this wasn't the kind of comment that the race hate laws were designed for, but that's what they are being used for.

I want to see an end to homophobic comments, I'd be quite happy to see certain rappers in jail for their song lyrics but I don't want someone visited by the police because they say in a reasonable manner that they don't approve of gay relationships. I think I'll reserve judgement on these laws until we see how they work in practice....

Friday, October 05, 2007

Full Of Babies

I am getting so sick of Formula 1 drivers and their whining. Apparently Vettel bashed Webber because Hamilton ran wide. Really? If you can't drive a fast car round a track without smashing into someone else because of another driver's actions then go banger racing or trolley pushing or something.

We're all used to Ralph Schumacher's whining but we live with it because he's in the shadow of a much more talented and successful big brother but this year seems to be a procession of moaning and weeping and gnashing of teeth.

Grow up guys. You live in the lap of luxury travelling to exotic locations (and for the most part) getting damn well paid for it. Stop whining because someone split your nails or made a bitchy comment about your latest hairstyle, it's getting dull.

November Election?

It does seem to be the only topic of consideration on the lips (and keyboards) of anyone interested or involved in politics.

The Conservatives are playing "come and have a go if you think you're hard enough" and Brown isn't yet replying.

I've always been in the camp that said there won't be an election this year. I still believe that (although I've gone from 99% sure to about 75%). I just don't see why Brown would do it. Having spent 10 years plotting to become PM and making his desire plain the chance of risking it after only 100 days seems foolish. And while the claims that he has no legitimacy as he wasn't elected make a good playground taunt they actually mean nothing. We don't elect prime ministers, we elect parties and the Party Leader is PM. John Major didn't go in 1990 and there is no reason for Gordon Brown to go to the Palace now.

He's also missed the boat. A week is (as the old cliche goes) a long time in politics. If he had made an announcement this time last week it would have gone well, but the Conservatives have had a good week. Some good, sensible policies have been announced, a stunning show of unity was on display and by all accounts Cameron played a blinder. The polls are already showing an upturn for the Conservatives which, if the doubters can keep their opinions in check for just a bit longer, will probably continue.

The trip to Iraq didn't go as well for Brown as he had hoped. People saw it as the shabby headline grabbing trick it clearly was.

And then there's just the practical reasons. It's hard enough to get people to go out to vote on a warm spring evening in May - it will be damn near impossible in November. Particularly in Scotland and Wales where election fatique will still be in place.

If there's a postal strike it will screw up postal votes and the delivery of election communications - a death knell for many of the smaller candidates.

And of course the register is 11 months old. Even with the rolling registration now in force about 10% of the population wiill still be losing their votes.

Of course the cynics among us may think this plays well with Brown, I'm not sure. A determined Get Out The Vote operation could kill some of his marginal seats. And as for Scotland? The SNP are doing well, despite some defeats in the chamber they are still in their honeymoon period. This could take out some MPs where Brown can least afford to lose them - if he can't keep his backyard happy can he keep the rest of the country?

An election now would be a massive waste of time and money. I don't think Brown will go. Having said that - I did make sure to post my electoral registration form just in case....

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Too Much To Say

Since coming back from holiday things have been just a little busy and I've neglected the blog appallingly. I know that all 2 of my regular readers must be heart-broken....

And it's not as if I don't have things I want to speak about. Darfur, early election, crackdown on trafficking women, and abusive(?) Celtic fans are all on my mind this morning alone.

I'll try to talk about some of this stuff over the next couple of days. I know you can't wait.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Worrying News from Burma

A recent news release from Burma Campaign UK. This is hugely concerning. David Milliband speaks to the Labour conference today at 12.30 - I look forward to hearing his comments.

Burma Campaign UK sources in Rangoon have reported that soldiers have been ordered to shave their heads, in possible preparation for infiltrating peaceful demonstrations. They would start rioting or attacking police, providing the regime with a pretext for a brutal crackdown on protestors.

Sources indicate that soldiers from Light Battalion 77 in Rangoon have been given the order. Sources also report that the regime has ordered 3,000 monks’ robes from a factory in Rangoon.

It is a tactic the regime has used in the past, including at the Depayin massacre in 2003, during which Aung San Suu Kyi was arrested. Regime militia dressed as monks were involved in the ambush which left up to 100 democracy activists dead. State television today reported that action would be taken against protestors.

“We know from experience that the regime is capable of opening fire on civilians,” said Mark Farmaner, acting Director of Burma Campaign UK. “The regime came to power on the back of a massacre in 1988 that left at least 3,000 civilians dead. They have also been accused by the UN of breaking the Geneva Convention for their deliberate targeting of civilians in attacks on ethnic minorities.”

Despite the widespread expectations that the regime will use violence to suppress protest, the international community has been remarkably silent, with the French government being the only one to make a strong statement warning of consequences if the regime responds with violence. ASEAN has also expressed concern.

“The regime has been held in check by the peoples’ respect for the monks and the fact that the world is watching, but the scale of protests means they will be looking for options that allow them to justify a crackdown,”said Mark Farmaner. “The UN Secretary General and other world leaders must speak out and make it clear that a violent response in unacceptable. At the moment the international community seems to be willing to watch from the sidelines as the regime moves closer to a massacre. If the regime does attack protestors, this will have been one of the most widely predicted massacres in recent history, and makes a mockery any government’s claim to be committed to human rights.”

Friday, August 31, 2007

A better day for wildlife - and wildlife photographers

You might remember a few weeks ago I wrote about the Yangtze River Dolphin potentially becoming extinct. Turns out that this might not be the case after all...

As was pointed out in the comments by Darren - who has used this as the starting post for his new blog on life as a wildlife photographer. Please take some time to visit his blog and follow our journey as Darren adds more stories and photos. It's going to be quite exciting.

And coincidentally it's just 200 hours now until we go to Kenya.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Theatre Review - Absurdia

So I decided to be clever and move my theatrical visits on from the musicals. And I took my friends along to expand their minds too. A non-musical play. That's what we needed.

So on the whim of an attractive looking e-flyer from the London Theatre Newsletter I picked Absurdia. A play about absurdities in life. Starring Peter Capaldi. And you got a free toy elephant when you booked. What could go wrong?

Well, the script for a start. Maybe I'm not clever or middle class enough but it was rubbish. Mr and Mrs Paradocks (or whatever they were called) were unhappy that the elephant they had delivered was too big. And where were the gum boots? And could Mr P please form a government. And on and on with the inane ramblings. Other people laughed. They seemed to get it. We were the only ones who appeared to be lost. It was bad, bad, bad.

The first member of our group walked out after 50 minutes. The next two found the tea-cosy on the man's head after witterings about why was the wallpaper pushed up against the wall the final straw. The pub down the road from the theatre provided an enjoyable place to spend the night. I've never walked out of the theatre before and felt really bad about doing so but on the other hand - life's too short.

If you like French absurdist comedy, or you're just a bit poncy, then this might be the play for you. For us it was a waste of hard earned cash. I'm going back to see Avenue Q - it's the only thing to scour the experience out of my head.

Also - I never got my elephant.

Remembering Raphael Lemkin

Today is the 48th anniversary of the death of Raphael Lemkin - the man who created the concept and word "genocide".

Lemkin was a Polish-Jewish lawyer who became interested in the as yet unnamed crime of mass murder and extermination of specific groups. His interest was first raised by the events in Armenia and the experience of Assyrian Christians in Iraq.

Lemkin first presented his theory of a crime of barbarity as a crime against international law to the League of Nations in 1933. The same year Hitler came to power in Germany.

Following the Holocaust which decimated Lemkin's family he continued with his fight to have genocide - the word he created in 1943 - recognised as an international crime.

He died at the age of 59, having seen the Convention on the Prevention and Punishment of the Crime of Genocide come into force in 1951. Only 7 people attended his funeral.

Today we should all remember Raphael Lemkin - he gave a name and a definition to a crime which have previously not been defined. We honour Raphael Lemkin by recognising where genocide is taking place and working to stop it.

Protect Darfur
Massacre of Assyrian Christians
Genocide Watch

Friday, August 24, 2007

Call to Action - Urgent

This from Harry's Place, c/o Iain Dale.

"Pegah Emambakhsh is an Iranian national who sought asylum in the UK in 2005. Her claim was rejected and she was arrested in Sheffield on Monday 13th August 2007. She is scheduled for deportation to Iran on 27 August 2007.

If returned to Iran, she faces certain imprisonment, likely severe lashings and possibly even stoning to death. Her crime in Iran is her sexual orientation - she was in a same-sex relationship.

Ms Emambakhsh escaped from Iran, claiming asylum, after her lover was arrested, tortured and subsequently sentenced to death by stoning. Her father was also arrested and interrogated about her whereabouts. He was eventually released but not before he had been tortured himself.

Ms Emambakhsh has a more than well founded fear of persecution if she is returned to Iran. She belongs to a group of people - gays and lesbians - who, it is well known, are severely persecuted in Iran.

According to Iranian human rights campaigners, many lesbians and gay men have been executed since the Ayatollahs came to power in 1979.

In 2006 a German court ruled that an Iranian lesbian could not be deported as she risked death because of her sexuality.

The UK Border and Immigration Agency (BIA) have chosen not to believe that she is in danger if returned to Iran, even though the UK government are well aware of the dangerous situation that gay people face there.

The BIA will be committing a serious miscarriage of justice and a gross human rights violation if they insist on Ms Emambakhsh's deportation.

The Asylum Seeker Support Initiative in Sheffield are now getting Pegah new solicitors in order to make a fresh claim for asylum based on new evidence and expert testimonies. A stay of deportation is needed to give Pegah time to prepare and submit this fresh claim.

Pegah's MP, Richard Caborn, has already won one stay of deportation and is working secure another postponement of deportation on 27 August.

You can help. Please write or email asap the British Home Secretary Jacqui Smith and to Pegah's British constituency MP, Richard Caborn (see details below).

Pegah Emambakhsh's Home Office reference number is: B1191057. This number must be quoted in any letter, so the Home Office can identify
and access her case.

Letters need to be sent TODAY by first class post to arrive tomorrow, Friday 24 August, at the latest. If you can't send a letter, a fax is a good alternative, and an email is certainly better than nothing. Mark all correspondence "For the personal attention of..."

Please write to:

Rt Hon Jacqui Smith MP, Home Secretary,
2, Marsham St,
London SW1P 4DF

Fax no: + 44 (0) 207 035 3262 or +44 (0) 207 035 2362
Email: smithjj@parliament.uk

Rt Hon Richard Caborn MP,
Sheffield Constituency Office
2nd Floor, Barkers Pool House
Burgess Street
Sheffield S1 2HF

Fax: + 44 (0) 114 275 3944


Please don't let Pegah be quietly deported to face torture or death. Our letters can make all the difference."

As I have only found the story it is too late for a letter but please do consider sending an email or a fax - no matter how basic it is. The Labour Party has a good record on LGBT rights - don't let something like this shame the Government or the country.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

You'll Win On Health - Just Get It Right

There are three subjects that the electorate care about - health, crime, education. Get those three right and no matter what else is happening you'll win the election. Other issues will have an impact but if you don't get these three core issues right then you're dead in the water. William Hague knows that - about 90% of the country backed the Save the Pound campaign in 2001, people queued up to sign the petition but in the end it didn't change their vote. People care about the environment but will choose who to vote for based on who'll get the yobs off their streets, not who'll save the polar bears. And try being in the line of fire when parents don't get their first choice schools - county councils change hands over these issues.

David Cameron is absolutely right to take Brown on over the Health Service. It's in a shocking state and people care and will choose who to vote for based on who they trust on health. Telling people that despite the spin local hospitals and services are under threat and pledging to protect them is a winning strategy. As long as people have faith you will act on it. Nicola Sturgeon can vouch for that one.

But for god's sake get it right. You had a great start to the week - I bet members loved the thought of a bare-knuckle fight on such a key issue, then it all went wrong. Turns out the research wasn't good enough, local MPs weren't fully on board and then an idiot researcher (probably the same one who bollocksed up in the first place) got bullied into apologising. Things like this detract from the strong central message.

A couple of tips - get your research right from the start and double check the work of 17 year old Emily and Tarquin, make sure the local MPs/PPCs know what's going on in their area and are fully behind it, know that the vested interests (the Trust managers) will come back at you and be ready to take them on too, never apologise to them and for god's sake keep going. Use Andrew Lansley more - he's attractive and appealing to the general public. Oh and yes - keep banging on about health.

Health, crime, education. Might never be the causes de jour - but will always be the things the swing voters care about.

Assault with a cocktail sausage

The "you couldn't make it up" brigade is having a little paddy at the moment. Some little cretin has been charged with assault for throwing a sausage roll or a cocktail sausage or some finger buffet food at a man.

All very innocent apparently and how dare the evil police take this poor delicate little angel into custody? Wasting tax-payers money and making a mockery of our courts?

Here's how:

1 - The man was in his 70s and had been subject to intimidation from gangs of feral little brats. He thought he had been hit by a stone and reported it to the police.

2 - The innocent little hero of our story was charged because he had already faced three reprimands for his behaviour. Not quite the little saint mumsy would have us believe apparently.

3 - The weapon of choice doesn't actually matter. What does matter is that people are scared to go out of their houses because of the behaviour of children aged 11 and 12. Big brick or cocktail sausage the intent behind the abuse is the same - to bully, to intimidate and to stake out areas as uninhabitable for anyone except the gangs.

I'm only sorry the little thug didn't get sent down for 6 months. One less of the little bastards on the street.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Women - Beware This Man


This is Colin Read. Colin is 25, soon to be divorced and earning £90,000 per year. Colin isn't that bad looking. But women, do take care not to get involved with Colin. He's a violent, wife-abusing thug.

Colin's wife committed the vile offence of not making his sandwiches. Colin slashed her feet while she slept. When a few days later his wife tried to speak to him about it he beat her up again. Stupidly she hadn't learned her lesson and didn't iron his shirt for a work function. He branded her on the back with an iron.

His wife had to be summonsed to be court to give evidence against him. He was found guilty of ABH. The sentencing recommendation was for a community service order.

Colin was handed a £2,000 fine. As he and his abused wife are getting a divorce "the circumstances of the marriage" which led to the attacks no longer exist so a prison sentence would "help no-one". Because Colin has a job with long hours the Recorder didn't think he could fit a community based punishment into his busy schedule.

So girls, if you see this man in a pub or a club and you think he looks nice, protect yourself against him. The courts will do nothing to protect you.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Classic FM - Broadening The Mind

I've taken to listening to Classic FM while reading in bed. It's all fairly standard, "famous" classical music - nothing experimental here, just right for winding down while reading.

The other night though I learned two new things:

1. The soundtrack to the film Trading Places is mostly based on Mozart's "The Marriage of Figaro"

2. Billy Joel's This Night is based on Beethoven's sonata Pathetique.

Of course Classic FM didn't tell me that - I had to get up at 11.30 and google it when I heard the Beethoven and was lying in bed saying, "but it's Billy Joel, what's going on, it's Billy Joel".

Classic FM - educating philistines the world over.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Time to close Chessington Zoo

The foot and mouth outbreak in Surrey has led to part of Chessington World of Adventure's "petting zoo" being closed and included in the exclusion zone.

Let's take this opportunity to close what to me appears to be an entirely cruel animal hell-hole. I've visited Chessington Zoo once and I was brought to tears at the sight of the animals in their enclosures. A "family" of lions was in a pretty small area, not much bigger than the office I work in, and since when is a natural family unit of lions a male lion, one lioness and two cubs? Visitors are also subjected to the patronising spin on their signs telling us that the pacing and excessive grooming is natural behaviour. No it's not - it's abnormal and it's caused by their imprisonment.

I'm dubious about the role of zoos at all but Chessington is the worst I have ever seen, the animals in this zoo are nothing more than features in a theme park, kept behind glass to keep the visitors happy while they queue for the more exciting rides. I can see no conservation or education value whatsoever. In my opinion it's time to close it down.

Visit the Born Free Foundation website for more information on Zoos in the UK.