In defence of David Cameron

Since I left the Conservative Party two years ago (at roughly the same time as David Cameron became leader but not because of that) I have undergone a real change in attitude towards it. When in the past people told me that the nasty element so often seen was the face of the party I argued against that, but I came to realise that they were right. Not that every member is nasty, in fact some are fantastic and there are some elected representatives who are fantastic and who I would vote for, and even work to see elected again. But the truth is that the real face of the Conservative Party is too often the smug, sneering, nasty, frothing-mouthed, Daily Mail reader that we're all used to.

And boy has is reared itself up over David Cameron and his trip to Rwanda. The howls from the loony wing of the Party have been deafening. How dare he go to Africa and find out what's happening around the world? Why do we care what happens to the colonials? The Rwandans don't vote - why bother? Why wasn't he in the country looking at the flood?

Well, let's take the last point - yes, for some people the flooding this week has been devastating. But really - do they want some politician to fly over them in a helicopter tutting and rolling his eyes? If he didn't have a bucket and a mop to help clear up then he wouldn't be of any use to anyone. But on the other hand, he had already visited flooded areas in his own constituency before he went to Rwanda. A Prime Minister must be able to concentrate on several urgent issues at once, running the country and fulfilling international duties cannot stop because of a crisis. Instead our leaders must be able to juggle lots of balls in the air.

And it was a good thing going to Rwanda. If we want to stop genocide happening in the future we have to understand what happened and why. We must learn to read the signs. No genocide ever starts as a genocide - it starts with name-calling, it starts with exclusionary policies and it starts with labelling people as different. If we can recognise the first stages then maybe we can help stop the second, third stages taking place. And if we can stop genocide occuring, if we can help people to be safe in their own countries, maybe we can stop so many coming to the UK (shameless nod to right-wing sensibilities).

13 years ago the world stood by and allowed a genocide to take place in Rwanda. And the genocide is still taking place there - women and children are still dying of AIDS; people are still dying from their wounds and killings are continuing. I'm delighted that David Cameron went to see for himself what is happening in Rwanda. It can only make him a better politician and perhaps even a better Prime Minister.

Daily Mash Gets It Right Again

First a dislaimer - I am a huge Harry Potter fan, I was queuing at 1am outside a bookshop in Zurich to make sure I got my book, I was upset at a couple of the deaths but people do need to get over themselves.

Thankfully the Daily Mash puts it all into perspective for us.

CHILDLINE TELLS POTTER FANS TO FUCK OFF

CHILDLINE, the charity for abused children, will tell distraught Harry Potter fans, upset at the ending of the final book, to 'fuck right off'.

The charity is predicting a deluge of pathetic, over-indulged youngsters when the final installment of the fantasy series is published this weekend.

A Childline spokesman said: "Children have become so detatched from reality that they will gladly waste our time crying down the phone because of an entirely fictional trauma.

"It's very easy to blame people like Esther Rantzen and Lorraine Kelly for this relentlessly sentimental and immature approach to life, so let's just do that."

As fears grow of mass suicide among seven to 39 year-olds, Harry Potter publisher Bloomsbury has been installing nets and crash mats around tall buildings .

And the owners of large Gothic buildings are bracing themselves for millions of bouquets being left at the gates, because it bears a faint resemblance to Hogwarts school.

Child psychologist Dr Wayne Hayes, said: "Are you fucking kidding?

"There are children trying to get through while they're being beaten up, but by all means give Childline a call because you don't like the ending of a book, you spoiled little shit."

Where's the Taliban when you need them?

Frankly, I can't imagine anyone who could rouse me into a homicidal rage more than Jude Law. But if he can sort out peace in Afghanistan then fair play to him.

Organ Donations - Consent or Presumed Consent?

This story about the Chief Medical Officer for England suggesting that we move from consent driven organ donation to presumed consent concerns me.

I carry (I think) an organ donor card. I have since I was very young and first understood what organ donation was and what it meant. I have always felt very strongly that should anything happen to me I very much want my organs to be donated. I have also warned my family that should this not happen I will haunt them - and not in a good way.

This has always been my choice. I know that not everyone in my family feels the same way and I know that others just don't know how they feel about it. That's fine. If (and I pray I'm never) in the situation where I have to make such a decision I hope that I will always respect the feelings of my family members.

I am really concerned about the idea of presumed consent and how this could develop. Presumed consent takes the decision away from the individual and their family about their body. I accept that as suggested there is an opt-out option, but how likely are people to actually find out how to opt-out and do so? People never think that dreadful things will happen to them and won't therefore prepare. Hence the lack of people with donor cards despite the estimated 70% of the population who would be willing to donate organs.

And if consent is presumed does this mean that organ harvest will become a consideration in treatment? Will families be rail-roaded into making decisions about turning off life support as the state already has a call on the body parts?

Surely there are better ways to increase proactive organ donation? A first step would be to ensure that inclusion on the register was binding. As far as I know it currently isn't. Increase awareness of need for organ donation, make it easier to sign up to be a donor - have cards in every library and every supermarket in the country.

Let's make sure that a rise in proactive consent negates the need for the government to take away yet another of our civil liberties - the right to control our own bodies.

If you haven't already registered and do want to - sign up here.

And in more breaking scientific news

Old people are humourless grumpy so and so's.

Anyone who has shared a Glasgow bus with the muppets on that or have been subject to a long queue in a Post Office can confirm this one.

People really are quite nice

Sometimes, just sometimes something happens which reminds you that on the whole humans really are quite nice animals.

This is one of those times.

Make Pompous Celebrities History

From today's Third Sector news:

Levels of understanding about poverty in Africa are lower now than they were before Make Poverty History, according to the latest research.

Public Perceptions of Poverty, a report compiled by Comic Relief, is based on responses from 2,000 people to questions asked at regular intervals from December 2004 until January this year.

The proportion of respondents who were "very concerned about poverty in poor countries" fell from 30 per cent in 2004 to 22 per cent.

In the latest round of research, 57 per cent said they knew nothing about trade justice, and only 26 per cent said they strongly believed that the debts of the world's poorest countries should be cancelled in full. This figure was down from 33 per cent in 2004.

Andrew Darnton, an independent researcher who coordinated the results for Comic Relief, said the findings were "broadly depressing".

He added: "People are more aware that the causes of poverty can be political. However, MPH didn't open up the issues of debt, trade and aid to the public, and there are massive gaps in their knowledge, which nobody in the sector has done anything to address."

Hopefully this will encourage all the sanctimonous climate change bandwaggoneers to stop their preaching

Well Done Roger

Well done to Roger Federer on his amazing five in a row. The match was one of the best Wimbledon finals I have seen in years - both played brilliantly and it was a delight to watch. Roll on next year - can we see a six in a row? And will it take another 25 years for someone else to match it?

This is how we deal with terrorists in Glasgow

John Smeaton - hero of the failed bomb plot

Join the Facebook appreciation group

The definition of Irony...

An English actor playing Ian Hamilton, ringleader of the gang of students who stole/repatriated the Stone of Scone, in a new film.

Not all Americans are dumb....

Glasgow SNP councillors - possibly the best council group anywhere ever

Lots of members of the Glasgow SNP council group sponsored me in my Walk for Life - despite the fact that I actually don't know most of them, so big thanks to:

Cllr John McLaughlin (well he had to really!)
Cllr Grant Thoms
Cllr Alison Thewliss
Cllr Alex Dingwall
Cllr Billy McAllister
Cllr Craig MacKay
Cllr Kenny McLean
Cllr Iris Gibson (although her son hasn't paid up yet!)
Cllr David Ritchie
Cllr Alison Hunter
Cllr Phil Green
Cllr Jahangir Hanif
Cllr George Roberts

Sorry if I've missed anyone out and a massive thanks to everyone else who sponsored me too.

Celeb-Spotting - The Return

After an extended absence Celeb-Spotting returns.

Today I spotted Noel Fielding of The Mighty Boosh at Kentish Town Tube. Skinny bloke, needs to put on some weight - particularly on his little girl legs.

Could this be the start of a flurry of rubbish celebs? We can only hope.

Craig Was Robbed!

I have become utterly addicted to Britain's Got Talent. Partly because - as it turns out - Britain really doesn't have very much talent.

The semi-finals are now on, and tonight the baton-twirling Craig was knocked out. In favour of a bloody sqwaking child who people voted for because the country is too damn sentimental to tell children that they're really just a little bit rubbish. I enjoyed Craig's baton twirling show and found it much more entertaining than the precocious nonsense that got through.

Of course, having defended Craig, the winner really does have to be Paul Potts.




I swear if a brattish child beats this guy I will have a hissy fit.

Born Free

Having seen the news about the CITES agreement on the Ivory Trade and wanting to blog on it I immediately turned to the Born Free Foundation website. And wow - what a transformation. Soooo much more attractive and responsive than their old website.

I will be back with more on the Ivory Trade agreement and my thoughts on that - but in the mean time do pop into Born Free and find out more about their work. Also have a look at the Chief Exec's Blog.

Fantastic people, fantastic job.

Dropping the Debt Monster

As I said yesterday I am delighted that the new SNP Executive has abolished tuition fees for Scottish students in Scottish universities (and none of your nonsense about endowments - it was a tuition fee). As someone who would never have gone to university without my fees being paid the thought of University becoming some sort of exclusive preserve for those who could afford it horrified me.

There aren't many things that government/taxpayers should provide for the public but education is one of those things. A country needs teachers, lawyers, doctors, etc etc and it should pay for their education. That's not to say that unlimited years should be covered with a whole load of perpetual students being funded forever though and I'm also not so convinced by the need for grants though, there is only so much money in the public purse and life isn't perfect.

When I worked for the Conservative Party pre-2005 I was delighted that the policy was to abolish student fees and in the constituency I worked in we worked quite a lot on this policy because we knew it was the right thing to do. I was horribly disappointed when David Cameron reversed this policy - it was just one more example of a very rich man assuming that the rest of the population could afford the lifestyle he can.

This was a good statement yesterday and the £15/£20 million cost is one well worth paying - in fact at approximately £3.63 per person it's a downright bloody bargain.

The SNP Whirlwind

Well, people who think politics is boring obviously haven't been paying attention to the last month in Scottish politics. From the final declaration of the results, to the threatened legal challenges, the discussions on coalition and deals to Alex Salmond's election as FM and Tony Blair's refusal to even speak to him it's all been really very exciting.

And amongst all this the new Executive has been making some really quite substantial policy announcements - the reversal of the decision to close A&E Units, cross-party co-operation on sex offenders, the NHS Staff pay deal, plans for a new Skills strategy, the investigation into rendition flights, discussions with GPs on opening hours and today's exceptional announcement that education will once again be free in Scotland. (more on that later)

In a world where politics can be depressingly homogenous the SNP are proving that there are significant differences between the Parties and that voting a new government in will change things. Of course, not everything will be plain sailing - all of these excellent policies will have to be paid for, and that may mean a tax hit. So more interesting times ahead.

New Links

I've added a few more blogs to the sidebar and a new category of "Makes Me Laugh". Pop in and see these sites - your day will be that little bit better for it.

F1 Whining

For a sport full of men leading rich, glamorous lifestyles F1 really does harbour some whiners. Latest complaint comes from reigning World Champion and number 2 in the race Fernando Alonso who is complaining that McLaren favour Lewis Hamilton.

Is he kidding? Does he not remember Monaco?

Face facts Fernando - Lewis is coping much better with the pressure this year than you are. Suck it up and beat him, or be pleased for your successful team-mate. But don't be a whiny brat.

Walk for Life - The Finish Line

Walk for Life

The Walk for Life for Crusaid was on Sunday and I walked 10k around some of London's best spots. I am really pleased to have raised over £350 - makes the sore thighs all worthwhile. Thanks to everyone who sponsored me and if you haven't yet you can at my fundraising page.

How not to balance the books

So the NHS not only turned about its deficit last year but had a £500m surplus.

This is not a good thing when waiting lists are on the increase, operations cancelled, junior doctors cannot find work, hospitals are unclean and patients and staff are just generally fed up.

The NHS is not a profit making organisation - a £500m surplus is as bad as a £500m deficit as it implies that more emphasis has been placed on cost-cutting than on patient care. Still, I'm sure that there have been plenty of clip boards purchased.

The NHS is in a real mess at the moment and the government are doing nothing about it other than claiming everything is better than under the Tories (a decade ago).

2012 Logo

They say:

"When people see the new brand, we want them to be inspired to make a positive change in their life.
Tony Blair

"This is a truly innovative brand logo that graphically captures the essence of the London 2012 Olympic Games - namely to inspire young people around the world through sport and the Olympic values"
IOC President Jacques Rogge

"This is not just a marketing logo, but a symbol that will become familiar, instantly recognisable and associated with our Games in so many ways during the next five years."
Tessa Jowell

I say

"Bloody ugly mess"

You Lost Jack - Get Over It

Stayed up late last night to watch the First First Minister's Questions with the First SNP First Minister. All the reviews I had read (ok so Brian Taylor's and Indy Gal's) had highlighted both how good Salmond was and how amusing Annabel Goldie always is so it seemed like one to watch.

What struck me wasn't how good Salmond was - and he was, or how funny Annabel was - and she was but how angry Jack McConnell was. He sarcastically stressed the words "First Minister" as if he still can't believe that he was beaten, his face was either grey or white with bitterness and he banged on about how the new Executive should do exactly as he would do.

It's hard to lose elections - I know this from bitter experience, I was a Conservative Party member from 1994-2005 but you don't get anywhere by sulking about the result a month later and throwing your toys out of the pram.

Opposition is an important job, Governments have to be held to account for their actions. Jack McConnell demeans himself, his position, the First Minister and Executive and most of all the Scottish electorate by behaving like a petulant, spoilt brat.

The best of bears

I bought myself A Bear Called Paddington the other day and read it on the tube yesterday. It really is as good as I remember from my childhood. Paddington truly is the best of all the literary bears.

I still have a warm glow inside.


(picture from Paddington's official website)

Things have to get worse before they get better

New Scottish Deputy First Minister and Health Secretary Nicola Sturgeon will be announcing this week a strategy for tackling waiting lists. All politicians like to sound tough on waiting lists - waiting lists must come down they all agree but no-one actually knows how to do it and instead they set arbitrary targets which clinicians spend their time struggling to meet.

We now have the situation where there are waiting lists to get onto the reportable waiting lists - the figures look good but people are still waiting to be seen. My suggestion to Nicola Sturgeon is to strip away the previously set targets and take some time to properly assess the situation without taking into account hidden lists.

There will be a short-term hit and bad publicity as the times appear to go up massively, but if a government is serious about tackling problems it must first know exactly what these problems are and have the guts to put in place a strategy which will achieve long-term results, even at the expense of short-term bad headlines.

The missing phone call

Both on Sunday AM (on Sunday) and the Jeremy Vine show yesterday Scotland's SNP First Minister Alex Salmond highlighted that the had yet to hear from Tony Blair. This is just unforgivable discourtesy.

I accept that Blair will not be happy with the result in Scotland and that Alex Salmond probably wasn't who he wanted to see occupy Bute House, however he should have phoned by now to congratulate (even through gritted teeth) the democratically elected First Minister of a constituent nation of the United Kingdom. Not doing so is just an example of the petulance that I have come to expect of our soon to be departed PM.

The PMOS said yesterday that:

"as he was aware, phones were two-way communication devices. He was not sure whether we had received an approach from Mr Salmond's office either."

So he's going for the mature approach then. He has also said in the past week that the "Prime Minister had been to Washington and Iraq, and therefore had been rather busy" and they weren't interested in "gesture politics". Here's a couple of points - I'm sure in this day and age the PM's plane has an airphone. Even on the rainbow tour he can make a thirty second call. And some gestures are actually just good manners - John Major left him a bottle of champagne and a note in number 10 in May 1997 as nothing more than a gesture and to wish him luck.

Blair is always happy to talk about the respect agenda but until he learns some himself he has no right to lecture me on it.

Well Done Mars

I was dismayed a few days ago to find out that Mars were planning on changing their production methods to include using animal products and therefore make their products unsuitable for vegetarians.

I'm not a vegetarian and as anyone who knows me can tell you I have a healthy, some may even say unhealthy, dislike and distrust of the nut cutlet-munching, hemp sandal-wearing smug gits BUT I do think that wherever possible we should be moving away from using animal products and certainly not swapping perfectly acceptable non-animal products for animal products. I was very disappointed with the decision and filled out a form on the Masterfood website to say so.

I was very pleased to hear of the reversal of the decision and even more pleased to receive the email below today.

Well done to Mars. We all make mistakes - it's a wise company which acknowledges their customers' anger and speedily rectifies their mistake. I look forward to a summer of Snickers Ice Cream.

Mars Email

"Thank you for taking the time to contact us in connection with the change of ingredients in our chocolate confectionery and ice cream range.

Please note that after recently changing the source of some of the whey that is used in some of our chocolate products we have received lots of feedback that this decision has made it difficult for some of you, especially those of you who are vegetarians, to continue to enjoy our products. We realise that we made a mistake and we apologise. We have committed that we at Mars UK will ensure that a selection of favourite brands including Mars bars, Snickers bars, Galaxy and Maltesers will be suitable for vegetarians in the near future.

Meanwhile we are currently experiencing unusually high volumes of contacts from our consumers and therefore we hope that you understand that, rather than answer your question individually, we are attaching a list of questions and answers we believe would be useful and help answer your enquiry.

Alternatively you can visit our web site (www.masterfoodsconsumercare.co.uk) for this, and other useful information.

Once again thank you for taking the time to contact us. Please do get back in touch, at the dedicated email address below, if your specific query has not been answered and we will do our best to get a speedy response to you.

Yours faithfully

On Behalf of Fiona Dawson
Mars UK
fionadawson@masterfoods.co.uk

Q1.What are you announcing?

A1.We have recently changed the source of some of the whey which is used in our chocolate products made in the UK from a vegetarian friendly variety to one which contains traces of traditional rennet from animal sources. We have received lots of feedback from consumers and reversed this decision.

Q2.Are you reverting to vegetarian recipes for all of those products that were subject to the ingredient change?

A2.Yes, this announcement means that favourite products - Mars bars, Snickers bars, Galaxy, and Maltesers will once again be suitable for vegetarians.

Q3.You make lots of other brands - what about the suitability of them?

A3.Other products will also be suitable for vegetarians including Minstrels, Revels, and Ripple. However, Twix, Bounty and Celebrations will continue not to be suitable for vegetarians.

Q4.I'm a vegetarian - which products can I eat / should I avoid?

A4.Currently we cannot guarantee that our products contain vegetarian rennet. However, we are starting to change our manufacturing process with immediate effect. We want to get our vegetarian products on the shelves as soon as possible. During this process of changing the recipes we will provide updates on this consumer care website, on a regular basis. If you are not sure about the suitability of our products please call us on 0845 0450042.

Q5.Why did you decide to change the ingredients in the first place?

A5.We made the change to broaden our supply base in order to ensure we could continue to provide our consumers with products of consistent quality in the future.

Q6.Will you now consult with consumers on any future changes to products?

A6.Yes. This change was a mistake and we are sorry that we may have prevented consumers from enjoying the products they've always enjoyed."

Too true to be funny

The Daily Mash reports on the Scottish election fiasco

I may have found a new favourite website.

(Techni) Colour me unimpressed

Has Andrew Lloyd Webber lost his mind?

How could he kick out Daniel -granted I want Lee to win and have since the audition stages but to choose Lewis over Daniel was just stupid, particularly as in the sing-off Daniel totally sold "Bring HIm Home" - one of the hardest songs in the musicals - while Lewis really struggled.

It's like that useless bird from Maria all over again. Andrew gets his favourites and dumps the good ones to keep them in. Unfair.

Still - I would say that Lee's only serious competition has now gone so that's a good thing.

The Rainbow Tour Continues...

So Blair is spending his last 6 weeks touring the world being glamorous and saying cheerio to all his pals. I've always thought he was Evita-like in his pronouncements.

Better not meet any Italian former Admirals...

And the prize for no self-awareness goes to....

...Margo MacDonald MSP.

She has advised someone to "go and find a darkened room and have a quiet lie down" - exactly the words I used about her today.

Margo doll - we all love you, but you've made a roaring arse of yourself in the past week. First standing against Alex Fergusson when he was obviously the right person for the job and getting soundly whipped in the process. And then not voting for Alex Salmond as First Minister just because you were in a wee tuppenny bit with him.

You give good advice Margo, maybe it's time to take some yourself.

Ban on Gay Men Giving Blood

A few weeks ago I signed yet another petition on the 10 Downing Street website. This one was calling for the ban on gay men donating blood to be over-turned. On the day after International Day Against Homophobia to receive the following reply just summed up why the day is needed and why we can't claim that the UK is quite there with equal rights:

"The Government has a duty to ensure that any rules applied to blood donation by the National Blood Service (NBS) achieve a balance between risk reduction and security of supply. The self exclusion criterion concerning gay men has been reached through a close analysis of the epidemiology of confirmed HIV and Hepatitis B positive tests among blood samples from people donating blood at United Kingdom Blood Service sessions.

The Government has been advised that every year from the analysis of nearly three million donations collected by the United Kingdom and Irish Blood Services, about 40 donations are confirmed to be positive for HIV. Of these, a third to a half are given by men who, following further enquiries by the NBS, reveal that they are gay men. Some are donating for the first time but some have given at least once in the previous two years and tested negative on the previous occasion. These figures indicate that some gay men are still giving blood in spite of the current rules.

Although safer sex campaigns have had an impact, it is still considered that the risk of gay men being infected with HIV remains sufficiently high to include the criterion that they should not donate blood. Unfortunately, this means there will be healthy gay men who would be suitable for giving blood but who are excluded by the rule.

However, it is not practical to expect donor session staff to be able to differentiate between gay men with lower or with higher risk lifestyles, so all gay men have to be excluded."

So - because 0.006% (or 0.0006 - it's 6.666667e-4 for you maths geeks) of blood transfusions are affected approximately 7-10% of the population are stopped from giving blood. And who are the other two-thirds to half of the donors whose blood is contaminated?

This is institutionalised homophobia dealing in ridiculous stereotypes of the worst kind. And its shameful coming from a government which claims to be commited to equality

Hyperbole

Al Pacino and Robert De Niro are pairing up to star in a new film. To fans of either or both actors this is a good thing. I may even make sure I see it myself.

Co-producer Avi Lerner has apparently said that it is an "event in world history". Really? A bit of exaggeration don't you think?

Peace in Northern Ireland (when it happens) is an event in world history
Genocide in Darfur is an event in world history
Even a Nationalist Government in Scotland is a small event in world history

Two actors being paid to act is not an event in world history, it is a film to look out for.

The cats fight back

For those of you upset by the vicious tortoise the other day the cats strike back

International Day Against Homophobia

Today is International Day Against Homophobia

There are still 80 countries in the world where it is illegal to be gay and many more where homophobic attacks are common place and not taken seriously by the authorities.

If we want to live in a civilised world Homophobia - and all other forms of discrimination - have to be eliminated.

Happy Birthday Alan

Today is Alan Johnston's 45th birthday - he was kidnapped 66 days ago in Gaza. We don't know if by terrorists or common criminals (if indeed there is a difference), but the Palestinian government knows who has him. And they probably know where.

If the Palestinians want to be taken seriously as a legitimate government in a volatile world they have to work towards the release of Alan Johnston and the three Israeli soldiers Gilad Shilat, Ehud Goldwasser and Eldad Regev.

There may be legitimate reasons for protest against Israeli or Western nations by the people in Gaza - kidnapping is no a legitimate protest. Hamas have it in their power to bring these four men home - they should do so immediately.

Happy birthday Alan - hope you are at home with your family soon.

Eurovision - Taking It All A Wee Bit Seriously

Apparently some vacuous Lib Dem MP has tabled an Early Day Motion calling for a review of the Eurovision voting. Far be it for me to accuse anyone else of taking Eurovision too seriously, after all my shrine to Terry in pride of place in our living room, but honestly....

Is this the best the Lib Dems can come up with? It's hardly a matter of parliamentary importance that the Eastern European nations are ganging up on the poor hard done by nations of the West. Don't let him hear Terry's class suggestion that we should build a wall between east and west, he'll be out there in a flash.

The killer tortoise

Go tortoise. But I thought you guys were supposed to be slow?

Campaign Launch - Scooch for Number One.

My countdown to Eurovision was rudely interrupted by the 40 minute broadband update turning into a 48 hour down-time. So didn't get to finish with a couple more classic clips and my own prediction. Which is just as well because it was a Ukrainian win with Scooch coming a respectable mid table. How wrong I was.

"KD Langovich" (my friend Davy's description not mine) winning with a bland nothingness of a song and poor Scooch being humiliated. And let's be honest not deserving to at all. For the first time in over a decade I am going to buy a single - Scooch have to become number one in the charts. We need to show our support for them. Genuinely this was one of the best British entries in years - it was camp, it had great outfits, a dance even drunken people could do (and trust me by the time Scooch came on we were all drunk!) and the best carry-on-a-like lyrics ever.

So come on, buy Scooch's single and take them to number one.

Countdown to Eurovision ... Part Seven

How could anyone miss the king of Eurovision?

A sensible agreement

Its been announced that the SNP and the Green Party have entered into formal agreement which falls somewhat short of full coalition. To my way of thinking this is a GOOD THING. I'm suspicious of coalitions, people either have to lose too much of their own policies or a minor party gains far too much influence based on their vote share. Why should the fourth party have had the Deputy First Minister-ship in the past? This agreement acknowledges the support of the Green Party and offers benefits without losing the control that a party needs in Government.

I hope that this is enough to secure an SNP administration, but I still feel a bit concerned about the likliehood of a grand Unionist agreement.

Countdown to Eurovision ... Part Six

The woefully misunderstood Daz Sampson from last year. As with Scooch, it's a delight to see people well into their 30s do Eurovision while claiming to be much younger....

Countdown to Eurovision ... Part Five

The final scorecard is now available.

Ta Radio 2 - we love you, Sir Terry and Ken Bruce.
xxx

Big Bloody Deal!

So the Electoral Commission is ordering an enquiry into the chaotic counts in Scotland last week. That's a relief to all concerned I'm sure....

Here's my suggestion. Let's skip the protracted and undoubtedly expensive enquiry and abolish the Electoral Commission. They are an unelected, unaccountable bunch of inexperienced hacks who know nothing about running elections and nothing that they have done in the past however many years they have been in existence has aided democracy in Britain in the slightest. Despite being the "elections watchdog"(!) they will not employ people who have either worked for a political party or in electoral administration for the past five years. You know - the people who know how elections are run. The Commissioners who do have experience in local government do NOT have this experience in electoral administration but in areas such as Urban Planning. But mostly the commissioners are people who are members of numerous quangos and committees.

And how comprehensive will their own in-house investigation be? Not very I suspect. I was an election agent when a pilot scheme of electronic voting was carried out. In their reviews did the electoral commission get in touch with me to discover my experiences, the experiences of candidates or electors who contacted us? Did they hell.

I hold out no hopes whatsoever for the success of these enquiries. No-one with any common sense will be asked for their opinions and it will all turn out to be someone elses fault.

Countdown to Eurovision ... Part Four

Come on the Scooch

Countdown to Eurovision ... Part Three

Oh dear oh dear - semi-final results are very disappointing.

No Belgium, no Switzerland and their live vampires and no big Draq Queen from Denmark. Instead rubbish singers from Eastern Europe who actually think it's a song contest....

It's time for the countries of Western Europe to rise up and start to block vote against this bloc voting, let's reclaim Eurovision in the name of over the top campness and get away from wailing wummin and pretty boys (Both in and out of bands).

Come on Scooch - we look to you to lead the way. Fly the Flag for a camp-fest.

Blair Steps Down

(image from BBC News)

Ok, so it's hardly an exclusive but Blair has just announced his resignation.

It was shaping up as the best speech of his career, starting with a nice tribute to his agent. As an agent who never got thanked I thought it was a particularly nice touch. Then a comment about the best way to avoid the pitfalls of power was to step away - a very insightful statement.

Then he got all political. Oh dear. It all went downhill from there.

He asked when we last heard of pensioners freezing to death because they couldn't afford to pay their bills. Last winter. Fuel Poverty kills up to 25000 pensioners every single year and 4 million people are believed to suffer from fuel poverty.

He boasted about better results in the NHS and Education. Only if you accept that the targets these results refer to are a good thing. The major point is that spending on the NHS has doubled since Blair took over yet benefits are not doubled. There are waiting lists to get onto waiting lists, the MTAS system is in total disarray, MRSA deaths are on the increase, I could go on and on....

He took credit for intervening in the Kosovo crisis which is fine - but what's happening today in Darfur?

I didn't hear any mention of the NI peace progress as Radio 2 came and went from his LONG speech however I doubt there was tribute paid to John Major.

The speech, like all of his Premiership, sounded bloody good - but once you start thinking about it it just doesn't seem so impreesive.

Countdown to Eurovision ... Part Two

Some personal favourites on their way

Countdown to Eurovision ... Part One

Quite apt celebratory 200th post. Eurovision is coming closer and the party is being prepared.

I haven't listened to anyone except the mighty Scooch yet, I enjoy the surprise that the night (or semi-final night) brings.

So - scorecards for semi-final printed off, countries allocated to a couple of people, first thoughts on the Terry Wogan shrine and decorations started - and all ideas welcome on these. Next steps - actually do the shrine, make the food, buy the Ouzo and (I suppose) actually clean the house.

It's getting affy exciting.

Margo for Presiding Officer?

Hmmm

Interesting theory - I like it. Although I do wonder if the schoolboy fantasies of a strong woman with a bit of power are starting to get out of control. First Bella, now Margo....

Get on with it

While I'm pleased about the election results on Thursday (ok mid-morning Friday), Scotland hasn't come out of the day well. The counting process was a shambles, the electronic counting was deeply flawed, the ballot papers were dreadful and the decision to introduce STV on the day of a general election was a recipe for chaos. And now the Parliament won't actually start back on time.

Sweet Jesus what is going on? If this is a Labour/Lib Dem ploy to show that Scotland couldn't cope as an independent nation then it's working pretty well. Run the country - this shower couldn't run the proverbial piss-up. Or rather the SNP could run it, the others are just stalling. It's time for Labour and the Lib Dems to accept the result and let the party with the most seats get on with running the country - and show that minority government can work.

Self Awareness Is A Wonderful Thing....

The few days campaigning in Glasgow was a bit of an eye-opener for me. Turns out I am a bad-tempered control freak. I like things to be done my way and when they aren't then they are just wrong. For two pins (actually a salary matching the one I'm on now) I would move back to Glasgow and sort the SNP out - I guarantee they would win several more seats FPTP within 8 years; but I would probably make myself the most unpopular person around.

But the most worrying thing is when I express surprise that I am bad tempered no-one has rushed to my defence. Everyone just looks shocked it took me so long to realise it.

Apologies to anyone I snapped at in the past week (or even longer than that) but frankly you were doing it wrong and should just accept that my way is best.

Book News

How is exciting is this?

A new book by Armistead Maupin, following the wonderful Michael Tolliver's story.

Surely the literary event of the year - with the possible exception of Harry Potter. I may have picked my first book for the holiday.

And if you're in Liverpool the man himself will be reading as part of Homotopia.

Very exciting....

How not to do negative

Not all negative campaigning is bad - if your opponents have a poor record in office or policies that are damaging then to point this out may be negative but fair. This isn't fair comment - this is just a particularly nasty little rant.

I don't care who wins this ward - I just hope it isn't the Lib Dem.

Scientists for the Union

Ok, apparently 61 scientists have declared their support for the Union. Good for them. Like the rest of us they are entitled to their opinion.

The story claims that if Scotland becomes an independent nation its position as an inventive nation would be jeopardised. Scotland has three of the world's top 200 universities (I'm assuming Glasgow is one of them - all the best people go there :-) ) but it seems that this wouldn't be the case after independence.

Why?

Would independence cause all Scottish academics to lose their brains? Would Scottish scientists lose their knowledge of the periodic table? Would the microscopes in Scottish labs be taken back to England on the submarines carrying Trident?

It's a pathetic argument. Argue from a principled position - don't scare-monger. Let's not pretend that Scottish independence will cause a leaking of IQ points. It won't. The cultural arguments for the Union are strong - despite being a member of the SNP I have a great deal of attachment to the Union, I love the Royal Family - the thought of a republic horrifies me. I think unionists have exceptionally strong emotional, cultural, economic, political and historical arguments. They aren't using them. They're being negative and demeaning the intelligence and talents of the people of Scotland.

Labour are getting desperate. They know it's time.

I spoke too soom

So there I was just the other day congratulating the Catholic Church on their eminently sensible and compassionate decision to abolish the state of limbo for babies who died before baptism. Was this a breakthrough into the 20th Century (still probably a bit early for the 21st)? Then this!

The Pope is planning to bring back the traditional Latin mass. O-kay. Which includes a prayer calling for the conversion of Jews. Not okay. The prayer reads:

"Let us pray also for the Jews, that the Lord our God may take the veil from their hearts and that they also may acknowledge our Lord Jesus Christ." and asks for Jews to be "delivered from their darkness."

Really? When anti-semitism is still prevalent in Britain is this really the best message for the Vatican to be giving out?

Jews (I assume as I'm not Jewish) don't want to be delivered. They have nothing to be delivered from. They aren't in darkness, they have their own faith and beliefs and these should be respected.

The Church is apparently concerned about the decline in church numbers and the alienation of some of the more traditional figures. It should consider people who are still basically Catholic but abhor the position on homosexuality and regard the position on contraception as killing millions of people across the world of AIDS.

One step forward - three back I'm afraid. For a more sensible point of view visit the Council of Christians and Jews.

Catholic Church Abolishes State of Limbo

This is a story that I first picked up on back in October last year. The Church has announced that the state of limbo for babies who die before baptism has been abolished

This is a great move which will bring comfort to thousands of religious parents who lose their babies before baptism. Previously babies were believed to exist in a state somewhere between heaven and hell and not able to experience the peace of heaven and the love of God. I would think that for a religious family this is a added burden at the worst time in their lives.

All we need now is for some movement on homosexuality and contraception and the Catholic Church will be moving into the 20th Century.

The dangers of Lemsip....

Our beloved Government have mooted the idea of taking cold and flu medicines off the shelf as people are using them to make crystal meth. Apparently.

While I'm not denying this is happening I'm pretty sure that a knee-jerk reaction of clearing the shelves of lemsip, night nurse and benylin won't help. What it will do is start to place an intolerable pressure on GPs. In the past couple of years I've had 4/5 colds - probably pretty average. I've been to the doctor once (and I'm convinced it was a bout of the flu rather than a cold), the rest of the time I've dosed up on lemsip, night nurse, benylin, tixylixx, sudafed and got on with it. I think most people probably do.

The chaos that will ensue when everyone with a minor sniffle turns up at their GP needing a cold medicine doesn't bear thinking about.

Working time will be lost as people don't go into work but wait by their phones to be the first to get the one appointment available that day. Others will not bother and hope that they don't still have it in two weeks time when the next appointment is available.

Pharmacies will get much busier with chemists taking up much of their time on cold remedies.

And drug dealers will continue to manufacture crystal meth and causing misery in our communities.

Surely a better plan is to invest more in frontline policing to stop the drug dealers and leave the rest of us alone?

Has Salmond Slain the Business Dragon?

For as long as I can remember one of the biggest arguments against independence has been that Scotland couldn't go it alone and that businesses would desert Scotland creating a business-free zone. Alex Salmond has clearly spent a lot of time and effort in courting the business community - and presumably upset some of the more leftie elements of the SNP in doing so - and this is now paying dividends. Today the SNP announced that 100 business men and women had signed up to the following statement:

"Scotland can be more successful. That is why we are supporting Alex Salmond and the SNP on May 3."

Looking at the list there seems to be a mix of small and large businesses and I wonder if Salmond has finally slain the dragon of lack of business support?

As someone from the right of the political spectrum this is something which is really quite encouraging - no longer are the SNP viewing the business community with suspicion instead there is now a recognition that a strong independent Scotland must have its own strong and successful business community. I look forward to the SNP continuing with its campaign of drawing in all elements of Scottish life in its efforts.

Any Dream Will Do

I'm already loving Any Dream Will Do the follow-up to last year's How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria. And narked that poor Johndeep got booted out on Saturday - I'd liked him.

My favourite is the fabulously twinkly-eyed Lee. I really do want him to win. No-one else is really standing out for me so far, although Lewis was great on Saturday.

But has anyone else noticed that the boys are much cry-ier than the girls were last year? Fabulous. And musical theatre has never seen quite so many "girlfriends" in the one room. Mmm-hmm.....

Something I Don't Say Often...

Here is an excellent speech by George W Bush. This is why Holocaust remembrance is just so important.

Bush at United States Holocaust Memorial Museum on Yom Ha'Shoah

Facebook...

....crazily addictive and I'm not quite sure why

Rules of life #639

If you come into more emails on a Monday morning than you received all of the previous week it's going to be a busy one....

Am Confussed

For some reason I have been reading the statistical analysis of the Glasgow Shettleston constituency for the elections in a couple of weeks. Great bloke standing for the SNP :-) Anyway among all the usual guff there was a section on how people get to work and the categories?

By Public Transport - aye
By car - aye
By motorbike/bicycle/on foot - aye
Other - Whit? What other methods are there? and how can 4.4% of the Shettleston workforce be using them? Helicopters aren't much cop down the Shettleston Road and would heelies not count as going on foot?

Any help in letting me know what other could possibly be would be most welcome. Otherwise my brain will continue to hurt.

Treating...

One of my favourite breaches of election law, delighted to see it in the news after too long an absence. The good old provision of meat and drink....

Just a warning to candidates - buying the team a round in the pub after a good day's canvassing is not treating, and you are legally allowed to do it - so do!

Celeb Spotting

I saw Frances de la Tour for the fifth time just outside Tesco at King's Cross today. Time to acknowledge it. She's obviously stalking me until I tell the world she has been celeb-spotted. But no more mentions, after seeing someone for five times in the same place then it's no longer a celeb spot - it's just someone who lives/works near you.

Also saw Michael Winner coming out of the Ivy a couple of weeks ago.

Must try harder to get better celebs....

Time Wasting Nonsense

So Christine Grahame thought it would be fun to hijack the Tory manifesto launch.....

Bully for her. Fighting against a Lib-Dem majority of 538 Ireally wouldn't have thought this was a good use of her time. Instead it's the kind of petty, annoying stunt that confirms all the bad preconceptions about politicians.

Hen, in the couple of hours spent planning and carrying out that stunt you could have delivered a thousand leaflets.

Letter to Mugabe

Paul has written an open letter to Robert Mugabe. While I share Barry's scepticism about the outcome - anything that highlight's the dreadful situation in Zimbabwe is worth supporting. Pop over to Mars Hill and show your support.

Alternative Children's Books

From my lovely friend Davy Brody.

1. You Are Different and That's Bad
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
3. Dad's New Wife Robert
4. Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share
5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
6. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
9. All Cats Go to Hell
10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
11. Some Kittens Can Fly.
12. That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
13. Grandpa Gets a Casket
14. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
16. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
17. Strangers Have the Best Candy
18. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
19. You Were an Accident
20. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
21. Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games
22. The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan
23. Your Nightmares Are Real
24. Where Would You Like to Be Buried?
25. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
26. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
27. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry

Porn Names

I know I'm tempting the bizarre search term fates by having this entry title but never mind.

I'm intrigued by the new film that's coming out "I Want Candy" about two would be film makers who attract the "services" of the world's biggest(!) adult film start. Candy Fiveacres. Whose name is pet name and street name.

MY porn name is Misty Red, (last pet and the street I lived on when we had the lovely wee thing). I think it's fab. I won't actually tag anyone to do this, but do let me know in the comments what your porn name is.

Brown's Big Con

So he got his soundbite then "2p off income tax" - hurrah.

Despite my questioning yesterday about my political party loyalties I am still a conservative, I still believe in a low tax economy, I still believe in individual responsibilities and freedoms, and those freedoms include keeping as much of the money that you earn as possible. So I'm happy about the 2p income tax cut then? Well, no not really.

The abolition of the 10p rate cut has totally negated the benefits this will bring to the lowest paid people - who need the tax cuts most. There should never have been a 10p rate in the first place - it was a con to make people think there had been a tax cut. Any removal of this rate and the simplification of the tax system is a good thing. But this should have been matched by a raising of the lower threshold. Instead we now have a situation where those earning less than £17,000 per year will be worse off. This can never be right.

I know the apologists for Brown's leadership manifesto... sorry budget will point to the fact that tax credits will make up the shortfall. Big bloody deal. Tax credits don't help - tax cuts do. Tax credits introduce complicated forms and means testing into the system. People shouldn't have to go through multi page forms to be able to keep the money they have worked hard to earn, and if I can be a bit stereotypical but honest a sizable number of people who are earning less than £17,000 a year will not be confident with form filling and would rather not fill out these intrusive questionnaires. So the very people who most need the money will be the people who are least able to navigate the systems to ensure they get it. Good trick that.

Anyway many people don't trust the systems to work - there have been so many tax credit blunders - see here, here and here. So instead of forcing people to rely on a complicated system that doesn't work terribly well, why not make the simplification of just cutting taxes and allowing people to develop the economy through their spending choices.

To steal a statement from Dick Cheney (the first and possibly last time I will ever do this) - no nation ever taxed its way to prosperity.

Independence?

Over the past couple of years my political views have been going through a bit of a change. When I was a student I was a hang em, flog em, send em back where they came from type of Tory. And (to the eternal dismay of my daddy) a staunch Unionist. Now things are very different - I am now much more liberal than I was when I was younger. The thought of the death penalty for example now fills me with dread, I would rather go to prison than carry a compulsory ID card and I think the treatment of refugees and asylum seekers in Britain in one of our nation's shame.

I still regard myself (mostly) as a Conservative but I have no problem whatsoever in not voting for any candidate that I regard to be sexist, racist or homophobic. I have no loyalty to the Conservative Party anymore but of the three main parties in England they are probably the one whose views are closest to my own.

And there's the rub - in England. I don't know how I would vote if in Scotland. I am still, mostly a Unionist, but not as staunch as I was a decade or so ago. I believe the Union has been good for both Scotland and England, fiscally and culturally and I think that a larger country will always carry more weight on the world stage than a smaller one and that Scotland benefits from this.

But, but, but.... Over the last couple of years I have started to question whether this is enough to base the Union on. I am fed up with the continual patronising of Scotland (and the people of Scotland) by politicians who claim that Scotland couldn't cope as an independent nation. Of course it could. Scotland, as with any nation, has the talent and ability to achieve great things. Or it has the capacity to elect dreadful politicians who mess up the economy. No-one can actually say for sure what will happen if/when Scotland becomes independent. But as part of the Union the same is absolutely true. Isn't that what happens in every country? And isn't that the decision of the Scottish electorate?

This is, of course, partly a result of devolution. I was, and still am, opposed to devolution, it's a ridiculous half-way house which does nothing to strengthen the union. And we now have a situation where the democratically elected government of Scotland in Edinburgh has to look to the other democratically elected government of Scotland in London for permission to do anything a wee bit off New Labour message. Or where the majority of Scottish elected representatives vote against Trident but it will still be partly funded by the Scottish tax-payer and based in Scotland. I was right about devolution - it was the first step to the break-up of the UK, just I think now that's not necessarily a bad thing.

So - why shouldn't Scotland be independent? I really don't know.

Rise of the SNP blogger

The best political bloggers in the UK have typically come from the right wing with a few honourable mentions from the left - Paul and Kerron for example.

However the up-coming Scottish elections seem to have spurred on a bit of a rise in the SNP blogger.

I first read Grant Thoms (the Tartan Hero), but there's plenty more - Anne McLaughlin (no relation), Alison Thewliss, Lachie McNeill, Jamie Hepburn, Julie Hepburn, Chris for Pollok, Davie Hutchison and Richard Thomson to name a few. The quality varies a bit but there are a couple which I will now visit regularly - especially the Glasgow Springburn and Shettleston ones.

Interestingly, many of the posts across the board are quite similar. With many of the same graphics. I wonder if this is a deliberate campaign being supported (and possibly encouraged) by Nat High Command. Well done if it is. Many voters will be finding their SNP candidates with blogs which are (shockingly for political candidates) on-message. The SNP, unlike the Conservatives, seem to have taken the hint that public statements diametrically opposed to the Party line don't actually help. Still, hopefully after the elections the blogs will keep going and be slightly more open to varied topics rather than just party policy.

How Did I Get Here?

Shamelessly stolen from Chris. I love this one.

I don't want it to be a photoshopped image, but I do have my suspicions...

The Burning Question

I received this text message a couple of days ago from a friend:

"An unpopular government hoping a new leader will revive their fortunes after a long time in power, Take That at number one, Walter Smith leading Rangers to a win at Parkhead despited being pummelled for 90 mins - is it still the 90s?"

Shameless Appeal for Money

I've signed up to do the Walk for Life for Crusaid this year. I'm hoping to raise at least £250 and need everyone's help.

Please take a moment to sponsor me. It's really easy - you can donate online by credit or debit card at my fundraising page.

All donations are secure and sent electronically to Crusaid. If you are a UK taxpayer, Justgiving will add an automatic 28% bonus to your donation at no cost to you. Please join me in supporting Crusaid and a fabulous cause!

I have started my training already! I spent 20 minutes on a treadmill and walked about 1 and a half miles - so not longer to go before I reach the 10k.

Crusaid really needs the cash and I really need the motivation to keep going.

Feel free to pass on to friends, family and anyone else you know who might want to sponsor some random person they don't know.

Another Books List

For World Book Day the Guardian published a list of "100 Books You Can't Live Without".

Below is the list with my comments on each. It does seem that I've managed to live 31 years without most of them, and don't feel incomplete for having not read them.

A couple of things wound me up. If you include the book series there are more than 100, but that's minor, the real source of annoyance was the inclusion of No. 33 The Chronicles of Narnia and No. 36 The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe. TLTWTW is one of the Chronicles of Narnia. It's the second in the series. Hence the name of the film "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe". And Hamlet being listed seperately to the Complete Works of Shakespeare.

As suspected the Guardian is moronic!

1 Pride and Prejudice Jane Austen - never could get into it.

2 The Lord of the Rings JRR Tolkien - dear god, could never get into it. For Geeks and Freaks and Dungeons and Dragons players only. Though I enjoyed the films.

3 Jane Eyre Charlotte Bronte - never read

4 Harry Potter series JK Rowling - love em. Can't wait for the final instalment.

5 To Kill a Mockingbird Harper Lee - may be the best book ever written.

6 The Bible - in common with the vast majority of people I've never actually read it

7 Wuthering Heights Emily Bronte - s'ok I suppose. Read it when I liked Mills & Boon.

=8 Nineteen Eighty-Four George Orwell - Fabulous. Still want to slap the girl at university who said that it had nothing to say to her. This may be why the legal system is going to pot.

=8 His Dark Materials Philip Pullman - Haven't read, but will do.

10 Great Expectations Charles Dickens - Love it, must be time for a re-read.

11 Little Women Louisa M Alcott - Never read.

12 Tess of the d'Urbervilles Thomas Hardy - read a long time ago, seem to remember enjoying it. Not enough to rush out and read again.

13 Catch-22 Joseph Heller - not read.

14 Complete Works of Shakespeare William Shakespeare - ditto The Bible, but have my favourites.

15 Rebecca Daphne Du Maurier - never read it, but enjoyed the talking book if that counts.

16 The Hobbit JRR Tolkien - Ditto 2, except I have read it.

17 Birdsong Sebastian Faulks - I enjoyed this one. Bit over-wrought though.

18 Catcher in the Rye JD Salinger - Never read

19 The Time Traveler's Wife Audrey Niffenegger - Never read

20 Middlemarch George Eliot - Never read

21 Gone With The Wind Margaret Mitchell - Really enjoyed.

22 The Great Gatsby F Scott Fitzgerald - Enjoyed

23 Bleak House Charles Dickens - Never read

25 The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy Douglas Adams - s'ok

26 Brideshead Revisited Evelyn Waugh - Never read

27 Crime and Punishment Fyodor Dostoyevsky - Never read

28 Grapes of Wrath John Steinbeck - Never read

29 Alice in Wonderland Lewis Carroll - Never read

30 The Wind in the Willows Kenneth Grahame -Never read

31 Anna Karenina Leo Tolstoy - Never read

32 David Copperfield Charles Dickens - Never read

33 Chronicles of Narnia CS Lewis - Very much enjoyed

34 Emma Jane Austen - Never read

35 Persuasion Jane Austen - Never read

36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe CS Lewis - Harrumph. Best in the series without a doubt.

37 The Kite Runner Khaled Hosseini - on my bookshelf to be read.

38 Captain Corelli's Mandolin Louis de Bernières - s'ok

39 Memoirs of a Geisha Arthur Golden - s'ok

40 Winnie the Pooh AA Milne - Never read

41 Animal Farm George Orwell - Excellent book.

42 The Da Vinci Code Dan Brown - on the bookshelf. Will get round to it sooner or later.

43 One Hundred Years of Solitude Gabriel Garcia Marquez - Never read

44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney John Irving - Never read

45 The Woman in White Wilkie Collins - Never read

46 Anne of Green Gables LM Montgomery - My absolute favourite childhood book. Still re-read this and love it.

47 Far From The Madding Crowd Thomas Hardy - Never read

48 The Handmaid's Tale Margaret Atwood - read a long time ago. Very serious.

49 Lord of the Flies William Golding - I studied this book in my S Grade English, I think I may appreciate it more now than I did then.

50 Atonement Ian McEwan - Never read

51 Life of Pi Yann Martel - Never read

52 Dune Frank Herbert - Never read

53 Cold Comfort Farm Stella Gibbons - Never read

54 Sense and Sensibility Jane Austen - Never read

55 A Suitable Boy Vikram Seth - Read a long time ago. A BIG book, couldn't read it now, would be like commuting with a brick...

56 The Shadow of the Wind Carlos Ruiz Zafon - Never read

57 A Tale Of Two Cities Charles Dickens - The only Dickens I've never managed to get into.

58 Brave New World Aldous Huxley - Never read

59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time Mark Haddon - On the bookshelf, waiting patiently...

60 Love In The Time Of Cholera Gabriel Garcia Marquez - Never read

61 Of Mice and Men John Steinbeck - Read at school. Can't remember it.

62 Lolita Vladimir Nabokov - Never read

63 The Secret History Donna Tartt - On the bookshelf, waiting patiently...

64 The Lovely Bones Alice Sebold - Never read

65 Count of Monte Cristo Alexandre Dumas - Never read

66 On The Road Jack Kerouac - Never read

67 Jude the Obscure Thomas Hardy - Never read

68 Bridget Jones's Diary Helen Fielding - Was ok, the second one was really annoying though. Just wanted to slap the silly tart.

69 Midnight's Children Salman Rushdie -Never read

70 Moby Dick Herman Melville - Never read

71 Oliver Twist Charles Dickens - Really liked it.

72 Dracula Bram Stoker - Dracula-a-a mwahaaaa, I enjoyed.

73 The Secret Garden Frances Hodgson Burnett - Really liked it, but prefered A Little Princess.

74 Notes From A Small Island Bill Bryson - Never read

75 Ulysses James Joyce - Dear God, I hated it, or at least I hated the few pages that I made myself read.

76 The Bell Jar Sylvia Plath - Depressing poetry by a suicidal bint not my cup of tea.

77 Swallows and Amazons Arthur Ransome - Never read

78 Germinal Emile Zola - Never read

79 Vanity Fair William Makepeace Thackeray - Never read

80 Possession AS Byatt - Never read

81 A Christmas Carol Charles Dickens - Read it every December, it's a cliche, but I enjoy doing it.

82 Cloud Atlas David Mitchell - Never read

83 The Color Purple Alice Walker - Never read

84 The Remains of the Day Kazuo Ishiguro -Never read

85 Madame Bovary Gustave Flaubert - Really like this one.

86 A Fine Balance Rohinton Mistry - Never read

87 Charlotte's Web EB White - Never read

88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven Mitch Alborn - Much better than I expected. Unexpectedly moving.

89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes Sir Arthur Conan Doyle - Never read

90 The Faraway Tree Collection Enid Blyton - Never read I don't think, but I loved the Famous Five and Secret Seven. Lashings and lashings of pop and scones and saving middle England from strange swarthy men (the Cornish!)

91 Heart of Darkness Joseph Conrad - Never read

92 The Little Prince Antoine de Saint-Exupery - Never read

93 The Wasp Factory Iain Banks - Never read

94 Watership Down Richard Adams - Never read

95 A Confederacy of Dunces John Kennedy Toole - Never read

96 A Town Like Alice Nevil Shute - Never read

97 The Three Musketeers Alexandre Dumas - Never read

98 Hamlet William Shakespeare - Never read. This must be one of the plays that doesn't appear in the Complete works though...... Idiot Guardian

99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory Roald Dahl - Never read

100 Les Misérables Victor Hugo - loved the musical so read the book. Loved the book too.

Why I Don't Like Chris Martin

I used to think my loathing of Chris Martin was a little irrational - now I know I was right all along. A quote from a BBC News story:

"Singer Chris Martin has described a track written for Coldplay's next album as "basically genius", saying it could be their best composition yet.

The 30-year-old added that everybody "has to hear this song before we die, otherwise we'll be terribly depressed"."

Prat! Self-opinionated smug ponce. I look forward to contributing to your terrible depression you self-righteous git. Go on, bugger off, learn how to smile and not create such an overwhelming level of hatred in my soul.

Stating the Obvious

Top story on BBC Scotland - Rangers Boss is a Unionist.

And in the next journalistic breakthrough - Pope in Catholic shocker....

The Joy of Wikipedia

I'm bored at work so wikipedia-d the town I live in and a couple around it. The Leatherhead entry is fairly standard, telling me little I didn't know - other porn star Ben Dover apparently lives near me!

The Dorking entry however is a joy. It starts so much like the Leatherhead entry - then, just at the end of the article, it becomes a work of double entendre genius:

"Councillor Maltby's big fat cock

In 2005, Mole Valley District Councillor Neil Maltby hatched a plan to put Dorking on the map - what if every visitor to the town had the privilege of seeing an enormous cock? It took him more than a year to prepare, but by December 2006, the councillor was sounding confident. "I would hope it will be up in the second half of January or early February.", he told the Dorking Advertiser. "It looks wonderful." By early 2007 Malby's cock was hard as steel in readiness for a public erection in February, as promised. The gleaming 10-foot cock was unveiled in front of a 100-strong crowd. Although initially controversial, many Dorking residents are quite proud of their giant cock, and can sometimes be heard boasting about it."

For more on the serious issue of the Dorking Cock see Chris's blog here and here (for the full photographic experience).

Well - that amusingly distracted me from Excel for a few minutes.....